Category Archives: Wellness
Why Am I Afraid To Be Right?
Very recently a longtime follower of The Shower Channel contacted me with what she described as an urgent request for some assistance in resolving a personal struggle that had been plaguing her for some time.
In her own words, “I met someone six years ago. When I saw him I KNEW I’d been looking for him my entire life, many lives, and that was before I even acknowledged that I had many lives. I felt every cell of my being vibrate with an awareness and joy that I can’t describe and I KNEW him at a soul level. Literally in one second . . . I was face to face with the embodiment of a kindred spirit I had apparently been searching lifetimes for. To say my world was shaken is an understatement . . .
“We went on to become very dear loving friends but the trouble with this idyllic scenario…. he married someone else.. . .. His is not a marriage made in Heaven and I often felt I was his emotionally connected spouse making his real spouse tolerable. Eventually I couldn’t handle the dark energy that surrounded everything anymore and about 6 months ago I cut cords and ties to him we simply stopped communicating. Except that he pops into my mind every now and again with such a fervor and obsession that I can’t think of anything else. I’m feeling so very close to a type of implosion at this point. I will be going along in life everything hunky dory, never a thought about the guy then BAMO, the obsession sets in. It’s incessant. . .
“I have worked on this on my own. I’ve worked on balancing, on past lives, I’ve searched within. The answer I’ve come up with is this: I:M AFRAID TO BE RIGHT . . . but, am I afraid to be right about my gifts, afraid to be right in my messages….? When I ask why am I afraidI see HIM and that is where is stops. I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of not knowing if my ego is obsession over losing my dearest friend and soul partner (literally my own self) and reacting to a perceived loss or if I AM feeling him and if so WHY?”
On her behalf, I posed what seemed to be her core questions to The Team–specifically, “What do I fear and why am I willing to be held back? WHY AM I AFRAID to be right, what is right, why do I fear it?”
Before we respond directly to your deeply felt questions, there is a powerful image emerging here, one you may be quite familiar with—of a woman surrounded by symbols that represent a kind of bondage, of captivity . . . often these symbols are depicted as swords for they usually represent a kind of thinking that is at the root of this felt bondage. It is a prison of sorts, made up of thoughts that do not serve, thoughts that hold you in a place where it feels like you cannot move, cannot escape, and cannot find your way to the freedom that, on some level, you always know is yours.
We see you in this image, a woman of power, a being of light and wisdom, but for the moment, blindfolded . . . unable to see the freedom that is right behind you, unable to recognize the choices in front of you because in this particular moment, in this particular situation, you are not allowing yourself to see it.
As is nearly always the case, the answers to your questions are embedded in the way that you ask them. Some of the words you have offered here are, “I NEED to know what is my truth and have that be it, final answer” . . . I am tired of being afraid” . . . I am tired of not knowing if my ego is obsessing over losing my dearest friend and soul partner (LITERALLY MY OWN SELF)” . . . “Why am I willing to be held back?” WHY AM I AFRAID TO BE RIGHT?”
Can you hear the wisdom and knowing that is buried in the emotion of those words? Can you allow yourself to hear the ringing truth that is just beyond what you are letting yourself understand?
What we see here is an uplifter, a being of such light and love, with such gifts and such desire rocketing from her to be in alignment with who she really is . . . and yet is choosing to focus on the fears that most paralyze her, and on the sadness and the grief that most inhibits her joy.
You ask, “Why am I afraid to be right?” and We would offer to you that the reason is rather clear . . . you have on some level chosen to see ‘being right’ as both essential—and not enough. “Being right” did not protect you from the loss you feel you suffered. “Being right” did not prevent you from losing this one who you feel was meant for you on some profound level. “Being right” did not save you from heartache, from feeling as though you had truly “lost yourself”.
As powerful and cherished as your gifts rightly are to you, they did not keep you safe from this pain that continues to haunt you. Your wisdom, your knowing, your connection to other beings of light, your skills and talents, did not make you immune to the very real, very human hurt that still aches whenever you give it your attention.
You say that the choices you made were for the best, but the experience you are living tells a different story. It tells a story of regret or doubt or fear that you have made some kind of mistake—or perhaps, that no matter how “right” you may be, it will never be enough. “Not enough” is the message we keep hearing you sending to yourself as you ask these questions over and over and as you continue to wonder what is “wrong” with you.
The question that we find ourselves wanting to ask you is, “What if being RIGHT” is actually the problem? What if you turned your attention away from being “right” to being “at peace” . . . to being “Joyful” . . . to being “free”? These are always choices available to you. No matter how bound you may feel by your own thoughts, no matter how imprisoned you may see yourself at times by thinking that ‘feels’ out of your control, freedom is never more than a choice or two away.
The question for you now is, what would ‘feel’ like freedom to you? Where you stand here and now, what ‘feels’ like freedom? What feels like joy? What feels like you, coming back to the fullness of Who You Really Are?
The answer to your questions will be found in the relief that you allow yourself to experience as you turn in that direction. Being an uplifter as you are, being one whose heart is full of love to give, being one who is connected to Source and who is led by her desire to share that connection, is never really about being “right”. It is about being true to Who You Really Are . . . . and when you are allowing yourself to see yourself as Source sees you . . . there is no fear . . . there is no doubt . . . there is no concern about the implications of being right or wrong. There IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. There is only you—being in alignment or not with the radiant, loving, uplifting, wise and knowing and ever expanding You that you are always becoming.
We would not make you “wrong” for wondering if you are afraid to be right. But we would lovingly suggest that by continuing to hold your focus there, you are continuing to hold yourself in this place that feels like bondage. You can make a different choice. You can release this fear of being “right” and turn toward the joy that is always calling to you as you allow yourself to let it be the light that leads you. You can be “right” in letting yourself know that you can never really get it wrong. And only when you choose to let yourself know and feel this truth, will you once again see yourself the way that Source is always seeing you.
Nothing is more humbling to me than the frequent recognition that spiritual gifts, no matter what form they take and no matter how valuable they are for our own growth not to mention our service to others, do not render us immune to the struggles and challenges and frequently, the blind spots, that hold us in places of distress and doubt. Often it truly seems we are all physicians unable to heal ourselves in one way or another.
So when an obviously talented, devoted teacher or messenger or healer or other uplifter shares his or her own challenges, it reminds me of the precious humanity that we all share and the privilege of remembering that we are never truer to Who We Really Are than when we reach out for the reassurance that all is well, no matter how far from that truth we may be feeling in that moment.
ASK THE SHOWER TEAM: What Is My Life’s Purpose?
Q: “What is my life’s purpose and in what direction should I look for a career that fulfills that purpose?”