The Condition My Conditions Are In
I hate sounding like a broken record—even to myself. There’s this whiny tone that I hear in my questions sometimes about why something isn’t playing out in the way that I would prefer or how I’m supposed to produce a perky response to some current disappointment.
The frustrating part is that I get that I’m usually missing some point when I feel this way, which of course only adds to the frustration about feeling the way I’m feeling: discouraged or disappointed or maybe just a little wistful about something that feels too far away.
I started out asking The Team, again, about why dreams—the really sought-after ones—can still feel so elusive after such a long period of dreaming them. But then the question morphed more into an equally familiar one about how to stay hopeful when hopeful gets hard to feel
There are really two parts to our response to you that we want you to hear. The first is to simply and gently and as lovingly as possible remind you that “You are where you are.” And the only one whose judgment of that has any relevance whatsoever is you. We never sit back from our broader perspective saying things like, “There he goes again, the loser . . . right back in that muck of negative emotion . . . “ We—and the You you really are—never join you in your place of pitying yourself for whatever conditions are not pleasing you—or in your judging of yourself for that pity. That’s why you feel so alone in those moments—because you feel the separation of yourself from the view of you that Source always holds.
Source never agrees with you when you say things like, “I’ve really messed up.” Or “My life is really messed up.” Or even, “I’m not doing so well right now . . . “ You must understand that this view of you is never the one being held by your true self and never the one reflected back to you through your connection to who You really are.
So you feel bad about feeling bad because you are feeling how you’ve removed yourself from what you really know, which is that well being always abounds . . . that the joyful stream of life is always flowing around you . . . You are choosing a view of you that Source cannot agree with or participate in . . . which is also why you feel such relief when that view shifts back into alignment with what You—and we–know to be true.
You are never judged for what you feel in any given moment. In fact your negative emotions in response to the contrast of your experience are celebrated from the broader perspective, because they are understood to be guidance, calling you back to who You really are . . . leading you in the direction of the joy and well being that is always waiting and always available.
So . . . no judgment from us about your moments of sadness or wistfulness or disappointment. We are always there, knowing the You who knows better . . . trusting and waiting for you to reconnect with that You . . . knowing with absolute certainty that you will.
However, we also want you to understand the connection between your focus upon what is . . . your determined attention given to what you don’t want . . . and the delays that you observe in receiving the things you are asking for.
We are continually encouraging you, when you ask how to make your dreams a reality, to be as happy without what you want as you think you will be with it. And you, of course, keep saying, “How can I possibly feel as good not having what I so deeply desire as I would feel having it?” And we say—as lovingly as we can—you must find a way. There are a number of options but more important than the specifics of how to go about that is the reason for going about that. That reason is that you cannot hold as your primary focus or mood—as your dominant vibration—a feeling of lacking what you want and simultaneously draw what you want to you. You cannot be primarily noticing what is missing and at the same time, finding it.
What you are essentially doing is saying, “I want to be as happy as I believe this fulfilled desire would make me, but I choose to be unhappy until it is fulfilled.” It is a contradictory stance that you are taking. You cannot ask for happiness or joy—which is what you really are asking for, no atter what the specifics of your desire may be—and then decide to be unhappy while you wait, and expect anything but a long wait.
If you really want to shorten the duration of that gap or to grease the wheels of manifestation, you must opt for an unconditional approach to your joy. You must make joy more important to you than any specific form that the joy may take. You must find a way to accept that it is the joy that really matters and not the package that joy is delivered in.
You remain convinced, despite our dissent, that happiness ‘follows’ the receipt of what you want . . . when the opposite is really true . . . that happiness always precedes the receiving of what you want . . . always following your choice to let it in, which you cannot do when you are holding yourself in disappointment or discouragement or any other mood where the absence of your desire is your focus.
Understand that Source—that the You you really are, never sees you as lacking—anything! You convince yourselves that you ‘need’ what you are asking for in order to feel good, but You know better than that. And until you reconnect with the knowledge that You are not lacking in any way, and that the joy you think will follow from your desire is already available to you, then you are at cross purposes with yourself—and continuing to delay the receiving of your desires.
Remove the contingencies from your statements of desire. Instead of saying “I’ll be happy when true love knocks at my door” . . . or “I’ll be happy when success knocks at my door” . . . say something like “I want true love knocking at my door and I’m going to be as happy as I can possibly be in the meantime, trusting that my joy ultimately has nothing to do with the details and everything to do with my devoted attention to the well being all around me” “When success knocks at my door, I will be waiting with a huge smile and a glad heart!”
It is only when the conditions for your happiness are no longer your main concern—and the happiness is the point—that you will see the details of your desire taking shape in a form that will not only please you, but often delightfully surprise you.
Sometimes I can tell that I’m clinging stubbornly to my melancholy mood. I call it wallowing. It’s a curious thing—this choice to stand out in the gray, chilly rain when I know there’s a warm fire and dry, comfy clothes waiting just inside a different point of view.
Maybe I just need to feel sad or blue or wistful or discouraged every now and then in order to feel how much better hope feels. Whatever method there may be to my madness. I know hope is always going to feel better. I know that as soon as I really remember how things really are . . . as soon as I remember that joy is not only what I’m after, but the way to get it . . . that joy is self-perpetuating . . . well, I know that’s when I’ll feel the relief from my wallowing that I always want..
Will true love or unprecedented success also knock at my door? Stay tuned. For the moment, I’ll just sit in front of the fire, drying myself off . . . on my way to being more and more complete.