Feeling Your Way: Connection Before Content

On my ever-expanding list of things to ask The Shower Team, at or near the top lately has been a question about why it seems so much easier to feel bad or to pick the worst feeling thoughts out of the available lineup. Of all the thoughts that are available to me at any time, in any situation, why is it that the scarier or more frustrating or depressing ones always seem to be the ones jumping up and down and screaming, “Pick me, pick me!”

The difficulty or challenge you are experiencing in your efforts to direct your thoughts is partly a result of your approaching the creating of your reality by trying to think your way through it. We would much rather see you ‘feeling’ your way because it is so much easier and so much simpler to attend to your feelings that it is to try to monitor or control your thinking.

And although it is true that we encourage you to practice directing your thoughts, the sole purpose of that is to move you in the direction of something that feels better, for it is in that shift to a better feeling thought that you find relief—and it is in that relief that you relax back into a receiving mode where your desires can flow more freely into your experience.

Notice what you are feeling more than you notice what you are thinking. When you stop in the middle of something that feels bad, ask yourself, “What would ‘feel’ better than this? And let that be the thought that leads you in a more a soothing or softer or sweet direction.

In reality, it is the feeling that accompanies your thoughts that determines the extent to which you are a match to your desires, not the substance or specifics of your thoughts. Another way to look at this would be to go for connection before content. When you are feeling good, when you are relaxed, when you are joyful, when you are playful, when you are eager or exhilarated, when you are content or when you are excited about the possibilities, when you are feeling appreciation or love . . . in those moments you are connected to Source. And it really does not matter what specific thoughts are creating that connection.

By the same token, when you are worried, when you afraid, when you are angry or frustrated, when you are depressed or desperate or doubtful, you are disconnected from Source, and the specific thoughts taking and holding you in that place of disconnection do not matter except as you continue to practice them, you continue to hold yourself in that disconnected place.

So in that moment of awareness that your emotional guidance gives you where you can tell you are disconnected from Source by your feelings of fear or doubt or frustration, ask yourself, “What could I be thinking about where I stand that would feel better than this?” Or “What can I do that would feel better than this?” Or “What can I remember that would feel better than this?”

It is not the means but the end that matters, and the end that you want is the end that feels like connection, that feels like relief, that feels like you relaxing back into remembering who You really are and the well being that is always flowing.

You can—and we strongly encourage you to—make this process as simple as possible. Make the way you feel the most important thing to you, rather than trying to track and monitor and police the thousands and thousands of thoughts that you think every day. You never stay in a place of disconnection when you give your focus to something that feels better to you. Your feelings will always—always—lead you in the direction of your connection to Source, and always show you which way that is.

Lose the struggle to think your way to where you want to be, and instead, feel your way to the flow that will always carry you there.


I was starting to worry that They were going to burst into singing “Feelings . . . nothing more than feelings . . . “

Even though I like to think of myself as a “feeler” I confess I still have trouble wrapping my head around these ideas sometimes—which I guess, pretty sums up the problem. I seem to think with my heart and feel with my head, so I guess it’s no wonder I don’t always pick the best thoughts off the bush.

But as with fine art: I know what I like when I see it . . . I know a good piece of fruit when I bite into it . . . and I know a better thought when I feel it. Maybe that’s really the point—to keep reaching for the riper fruit . . . . to look past the attention-grabbing bad thoughts jumping up and down at the front of the line, and to see the quieter, clearer, better looking, better feeling thought in the back.

It’s a process I am still learning . . . but even that feels better to think about than many of the alternatives. I can’t think of a time when feeling better would not be the best idea, and since it’s the best idea I’ve come up with for the moment, I will keep it close by, and let myself feel, for the moment, complete.

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About Dan

Published novelist, poety, essayist, photographer and college educator. Visit me at www.firstadream.com.

Posted on August 2, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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