You Wanna Be Loved By You

Ah love songs. Gotta love ‘em–or hate ‘em. I was telling a friend not long ago that there used to be certain music by certain artists that I would listen to as a teenager or young adult, whenever I was feeling especially lonely or lovelorn. I called it my “wallow music”.

I’m much healthier than that these days (seriously!). And even though you would think that by now the world actually would have had enough of silly love songs, we still can’t seem to get our fill. Probably it’s because we can’t seem to get enough love—or in some cases, to find it at all, even though we are always looking.

What is it that makes love feel so elusive? I asked the Shower Team . . . why is it that it seems we are perpetually seeking and so seldom finding the love we long for?

With the possible exception of dollars, there is no topic that more consistently trips you up than the subject of love—both in the romantic and in the broader sense of the word. You are continually asking for some greater or fuller or more satisfying expression of it in your experience and more often than not, lamenting or complaining or longing for more of it than you feel that you’re receiving.

The good news about that is that it means you are recognizing on some level that you should have more of it than you are allowing. The You that understands love understands that you have an endless supply of it, a bottomless well, a limitless reservoir of love and adoration that is yours for the receiving but for whatever reason, you’re not letting yourself see or believe or live that, and so you are understandably upset about this gap between what You know is yours and what you are allowing you to have. That gap ticks you off and rightly so.

Where you get out of whack about it is in your determined efforts to find the love everywhere but where it really is. You look to lovers, friends, family, colleagues, pets . . . You place personal ads and you post online profiles. You go to the places where you think people who might love you are waiting . . . You send out invitations and measure your worthiness for love by the response rate. And the real kicker is that you convince yourself that your lovability is directly proportionate to the extent to which those around you are telling you how lovable you are. You are constantly taking polls and as often as not, losing the race.

The fact is that you are truly looking for love in all the wrong places. More precisely, you are looking for love from everyone but the one who can really give it to you. But as is so often the case, you resist the obvious or simple answer. If someone suggests to you that you must first understand and believe in and receive the love that You have for you, then you dismiss this notion as another piece of airy fairy, self-love fluff that can’t possibly crack the tough nut that real love surely is. You persist in writing this script where love is an elusive or even cruel master or mistress . . . You choose your baggage or your drama over the simple solution that is always available to you. And it is always available to you because You are always offering it to yourself.

The You that knows better, the You that truly sees you and knows you, the You who can do nothing but adore you and support you and respect and appreciate you is always offering truly, deeply, sweetly unconditional love to you that is yours anytime anywhere anyhow you let it in . . . That You has loved you for longer than there’s been a physical you to love . . . that You will love you longer than this physical you will be around to receive it . . . that You loved you through every cut or scrape or bruise or injury or insult or deeply felt wound or scar or trauma . . . through every smile or giggle or song or dance or shout or squeal of joy . . . through every letdown and through every triumph. That You knows and cares about every dream and desire, every hope and fear, every wish or doubt . . . and that You loves you without qualification and without restriction and without limit and without your needing to do or say or be anything other than who You are. That You even loves the you who is insisting that you need something other than or more than the love that You is always offering.

So you can scoff at the notion of needing to love yourself. You can write it off as so much drivel and go on with your quest for finding the love you seek in some as yet undiscovered pair of eyes or hands. But we promise you, that the love you seek will never flow fully to you until you understand and on some level can allow yourself to feel how deeply and poignantly and powerfully what you really want is to feel You loving you—the way You already do, the way You always have, and the way You always will.

Well that’s an interesting twist on an old standard. “You wanna be loved by You, just You . . . and nobody else but You . . .” Okay, maybe not nobody else. Still this revised love song sounds like it might be one worth humming. It sure beats wallowing, and I figure less wallowing has got to be a step in the direction of being more genuinely, lovingly and lovably, complete.


About Dan

Published novelist, poet, essayist, copywriter, photographer and college educator. Visit me at

Posted on May 17, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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