Getting What You Don’t Need

There have been some striking examples in the recent past of things I wanted, showing up almost at the exact moment that I decided I didn’t need them anymore. They’re those kinds of head scratching moments where it almost seems like the Universe is really yanking my chain, where the joke seems to be on me but it takes a while for me to appreciate the humor.

A while back I was flying home after visiting my parents out of state. A generous flight attendant friend of mine had given me a buddy pass for the trip so I was flying standby on a holiday and when I got to the airport the flight was already full. The odds of my getting on that plane looked slim to none and I immediately started fretting and giving the evil eye to all the people waiting in line with reservations. Suddenly, somehow a gentler idea occurred to me—that I didn’t HAVE to get on THIS plane. I started telling myself that there were multiple flights home that day, which there were, and that I would no doubt get on one of those planes. I started to relax and just look out the window as the frustration receded.

Not five minutes later, the gatekeeper called my name. Apparently there was one remaining seat on the plane. The couple ahead of me on the list, who were also flying standby, had declined to split up. The seat was mine. There are other examples—a deal on a car that I had walked away from because the price was too high . . . a friend’s house that sold shortly after taking it off the market . . .

So, I asked the Shower Team . . . What is up with this business of getting what we want after we stop trying to get it?

The key part of your question is the word “trying”. When you are “trying” to get what you want you are generally moving in the opposite direction of having it. That sounds counterintuitive because it is not what you learn to do and not the way you have
learned to be. You have learned that what you want comes about through your effort and that the greater the effort the greater the reward and that you can tell how well you’re doing with getting what you want by how much you’re struggling to have it.

Also, when you “need” something, what you are in essence saying is that something—anything—outside of you has the power to give or to take away your joy. When you “need” you are deciding that you cannot be at peace or content or in joy unless and until some circumstance changes. And so you go to whatever lengths necessary to obtain what you think you “need” to feel good. It all gets to be so “trying”.

The reason what you desire seems to show up the moment that you release the “need” for it, is that in that moment you are remembering that nothing outside of you is the source of your well being. You are remembering that joy or peace or contentment or passion or bliss or relief have nothing to do with any situation or any condition or any event or any other person’s action or behavior or response to you. And so in that moment when you remember that you don’t “need” this thing you thought you needed, then you release the resistance that holds back whatever it is that you’re desiring. Often the response to that remembering and release is immediate. The relief is immediate. And in many cases, the manifestation is immediate.

What you want is never as far away as you think anyway, and so you are surprised when it appears to show up as such an immediate result of your choosing differently, but the fact is that this sort of quick response to your desires is much more readily available to you all the time than you are generally able to see.

When you are “needing” you are not remembering how complete you really are. When you are“needing” you are not remembering the abundance and well being that is always surrounding you. When you let go of “needing” you flow right back into the stream where everything you want is flowing. You allow the Universe to respond to you in the perfectly loving way that is always yours for the asking, yours for the allowing—as soon as you relax back into knowing that there is nothing you need.

Word play with the Universe is such a fun game. When I’m immersed in the game there truly is no need for more. And in the needing-nothingness of this moment, I/We are complete.


About Dan

Published novelist, poet, essayist, copywriter, photographer and college educator. Visit me at

Posted on April 15, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. … Amen …

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