We like you! We really like you!
I’ve always loved Sally Field. Aside from being a huge talent in a small package she has a way of being herself so fully and so unapologetically and yet so likeably. She still catches a jab now and then for her 1985 Oscar acceptance speech where she blurted out, “You like me!” I guess vulnerability has a certain charm as long as it doesn’t tip over the top.
One of the growth opportunities inherent in having a Gemini Moon is that I am frequently noticing how the thoughts that are thinking me feel. Sometimes they don’t feel so hot and I’ve come to recognize that some of the not-so-hot-feeling thoughts have to do with needing someone else to really like me.
Often it’s not pretty, and it can really rain on any parade I may be trying to launch. What has been especially sobering is the dawning awareness that other people really liking me isn’t the real issue—that in fact there is a chorus of disapproval waiting to raise the rafters all right here inside my own little self.
It sort of sucks, and so I asked the Shower Team to tell me how to fire the choir . . .
You learn this way of being at such an early stage of your physical experience that it truly becomes second nature. It actually connects you on some level to those you need, initially, to survive and it provides you, in some cases, with an image of yourself that is healthy and true enough to carry you forward into a more conscious, self-aware perspective. In this way, your learned need or desire for external approval serves a purpose.
It serves you less and less as you recognize and come into fuller remembrance of who you really are and how you are the creator of your own experience. You come to see that continuing to seek approval outside yourself has a point of greatly diminishing returns and that brings you to this spot you’re in of thinking and feeling that the whole business sucks.
What’s important to understand is that the more you focus on how it sucks, the suckier it will get. Whereas, if you can learn to laugh about it when you notice the choir assembling . . . say to yourself, Here I go again,” and let yourself relax with the knowing that this is part of what you learned to do . . . then as you are able to relax about it and even see the humor in it, the worry or fretting that you’re attaching to it will start to recede and gradually dissolve. As you become more able to feel okay with knowing that you do this, and to avoid the harsh judging of it, then you can begin to feel great relief around the whole idea and far less resistance to it. As the resistance fades, the choir will see that no one is paying much attention to them anymore and they will eventually either disband or start singing a more uplifting song.
Be silly about it because it lightens your mood around the topic. Tell yourself as often as you can hear it without gagging, “We like you! We really like you!” We promise that, more and more, you will come to believe it. And you will find your way to the same sense of confident well being that allows Ms. Field to enjoy her success, no matter what the critics are saying or have said.
Okay, so I’m no Oscar winner (yet anyway). I still know a winning speech when I hear one. I’d like to thank all my Guides and Teachers and Helpers and Friends, and on Their behalf, I would like to say that I/We are for the moment, adorably complete.